Friends 'R' Family

char59 · Global Moderator

Jessica was born April 21, 1981. As a baby she had colic pretty bad. 3 months after she was born, Mom(me) was in the hospital again for gall bladder problems. Then the next month she had surgery to remove the gall bladder. During these times, Jessica stayed with Grandma because Dad felt he could not take care of her. He did not go see her during this time. After the divorce, I started having alot of behavior problems with her. She was very disruptive in school, tearing things up. When she was about 9, she started a mattress on fire. I was out with Karen (my sister) at the time. I had remarried. My husband accepted Jessica as his own. He was very good with her. Well anyway, about the fire. My sister acted like she didn't even see it when we came home. My husband was putting it out as we drove up. I was at the end of my rope by this time. Her behavior was horrible. Not just the usual kids occasional bad behavior. I called DHS and said "HELP". When the case worker came to talk to all of use, her first question was " Who sexually abused her?" When Jessica was asked that question, she thought for a minute then said "If anyone did it was Pat" Pat is her real father. So we thought that might account for some of the actions we were seeing. We got her into therapy. Her behavior did not improve. She was placed in several out-of-home placements for therapy. My family said I was ruining her life, that it was my fault for her behavior, yet no one else offered to take her for awhile. Of course, when she stayed with them overnight or for a weekend, she was fine. I did everything I could to help her. We visited all of the placements and had family therapy. While she was in these placements, she learned what they wanted to hear and see. The counselors thought everything was working out and she was getting a better handle on her actions. Well, when she got home, her actions were worse then before.
I guess I need to add that Karen was trying to tell me how to raise her. Get this. Karen by this time was divorced and HAD NO CHILDREN. Oh during some of the placements, the state of Iowa started to collect child support FROM ME. They took 33% of my income. I was getting a whooping $18.00 a week from her father. But the state would not go after him. He showed no interest in seeing her at all. He knew where my mom was and could have contacted her to see Jessica. All this was before high school. I will start a new chapter a little later.
Again thanks for listening to me ramble.

mrsmuffin · Site Manager

Wow Char i'm so sorry to hear that you've had so much trouble with your DD. Hugs

ResidentInsomniac · Site Admin

Char, first, being a parent of a child with issues, my heart is aching with yours. I too remember hearing the flapping gums of family and friends who were totally clueless. They only saw what they wanted to see and that was it.

You did not do anything wrong as a parent. I truly believe in the saying that "the village raises the child." Unfortunately, your "village" failed you and your child. My Son was also in the C.A.S. By the time that I was able to get him out of there, he knew all of the catch phrases and how to manipulate the system. I would love to see Child Protective Services be charged with Child Abuse for the way that they "protect" the children who are in their care.

Any time that you want to talk about your Daughter, feel free to let it out. We are all here to support you with your pain and memories.

Big Hugs, Love and Prayers,
Lynne

char59 · Global Moderator

Lynne and MsMuffin for you support.